Thankful Thursday!

Instead of posting on Facebook for 30 days about things I am thankful for, I’m going to give it to you all at one time.  To be perfectly honest, I’m just that lazy some days and focusing for that long is nearly impossible for me.  So, here goes…

 

1.     I am thankful I am not a turkey, deer or a duck this time of year. 

2.    I am thankful for deodorant and that most people use it.

3.     I am thankful for 10 toes with good grip.  How else would I be able to pick up so many things off the floor without having to bend over?

4.    I am thankful that my vacuum has wheels.  You know that piece of lint on your carpet that just will not come up?  Best thing about wheels.

5.    I am thankful for Macklemore.  It’s ok to THRIFTSHOP!!!

6.     I am thankful for darkness.  Seriously, who wants to witness me running in the light of day?

7.    I am thankful for Facebook.  Neglecting my family so that I can see what you had for lunch has never been so easy.

8.    I am thankful for Miley Cyrus.  Without her, I quite frankly may never have figured out what to twerk or when to tweet.

9.    I am thankful for coupons.  Scoring $972 worth of products that I will never ever use for $2.88 is the best feeling ever.

10.I am thankful for Obama.  I don’t feel so bad that I voted for George “W”’s 2^nd term.

11.  I am thankful for magic easers.  Instead of repainting the house, the blood just wipes off the walls.

12. I am thankful for control top -- I instantly get the appearance of doing 100 days of sit-ups.

13.  I am thankful for caller id.   I can see who is calling and avoid you if I want to.

14. I am thankful for auto correct.  Nothing can make me look like an idiot quicker than pressing SEND.

15. I am thankful for medication.  How else would I be able to make it through the holidays so merry and bright?

16.  I am thankful for GPS.  I don’t know how I ever managed to get home from work every day without getting lost.

17. I am thankful for texting.  I can manage an entire relationship without ever saying a word.

18. I am thankful for all the sex scandals.  Even more thankful that my name didn’t appear in any of them.

19.   I am thankful for mopeds.  I get a chance to test my defensive driving skills every single day.

20. I am thankful for tailgating drivers.  By honking your horn and flashing your lights, you have alerting me to my impending doom.  I must have been driving too fast…let me sloooooww down for you.  Hint…next time leave sooner!

21. I am thankful for chevron.  The fashion industry would have had absolutely nothing to print on clothes this summer without it. 

22.  I am thankful for Zumba.  I found parts of my body that I never knew existed.

23.I am thankful for self-restraint.  I would hate to have to introduce you to the real country girl that lives inside me when you tick me off.

24.  I am thankful for my family.  I have learned to accept them for who they are.  We will just leave it at that.

25.   I am thankful for my son.  Without him, I never would have discovered that Pluto really wasn’t a planet.

26.I am thankful for my daughter.  My mom always wished that I would have a child that acted just like me.  Guess grandma forgot she would be the one babysitting.

27.  I am thankful for my husband.  He taught me to translate.  “It cost $30” in man talk is translated into woman terms “I paid $75.”  “I will be there in 10 minutes”….translates to…”30 minutes is soon enough”.

28.  I am thankful for all the junk in my purse.  If a skinny mugger tries to take it and run, I imagine he won’t get very far.  Dead weight is heavy.

29.  I am thankful for you.  If it wasn’t for you reading this, I wouldn’t have wasted the last 6 hours composing it.

30.  Last but certainly not least, I am thankful that I will not have to come up with a new list until next year.  Whew…I’m exhausted.

Happy Thanksgiving Yall!!!  Eat Turkey, Sleep Well!

 

5 Ways to Make Thanksgivng VERY MERRY!!!

Whether visiting with family, eating out, or staying home, here are 5 ways that you can make Thanksgiving Merry and Bright…oh wait…that’s Christmas.  Never mind, here goes…

 

1.    GIVE THOSE FACE MUSCLES A WORKOUT.  Smile people.  Nobody cares if you burned your hand on the curling iron or if your kids kicked over the green beans in the car.  Slap a band-aid on the burn, scoop up what you can from the floor board and turn that frown upside down.  Remember, smiling boosts your immune system.  NOBODY, and I mean NOBODY, wants to catch whatever Aunt Kim is sneezing all over that turkey. 

 

 

2.    SHARE THE LOVE AND THE BOUNTY.  Ask Cousin Betty how she’s doing…even if you don’t care.  Make small talk with strange relatives.  Talk about the weather but stay clear of politics.  As for food, don’t reach for the last piece of white meat, even if you starved yourself for weeks in preparation. Save that last slice of little layer chocolate cake so Uncle Ralph can take it home to his wife who has double pneumonia and broke her leg coming out of the house on her way today.  Their kids have already told you that she’s home putting up the tree…just play along!  Remember…there is still plenty of that dreaded pumpkin pie left.  

 

3.    PLEAD THE 5^TH!   When the conversation turns to something that you know is going to make you want to set your hair on fire, play dumb and change the subject.  When someone asks what you did last Friday night, don’t tell them that you got a little too rowdy and the next thing you knew you woke up behind some metal bars in a pretty orange jumpsuit.  PLAY DUMB and CHANGE THE SUBJECT.  Say, “Wow…last Friday was forever ago.  On second thought, I think I will have a piece of that delicious pumpkin pie?”  See how easy that was.  Get up and walk away.  DONE.  SAVED.  YOUR SECRET IS SAFE WITH ME.

 

4.    TAKE A WALK.  If you can’t play dumb (and I don’t see why you can’t), get up and go for a walk.  We all know that someone is going to show up that you just don’t like.  It happens.  It’s family.  Instead of sitting in the corner rolling your eyes and mumbling crazy rantings under your breath, go outside.  Fresh air can do a body good.   Your grandma is not prepared to see that rowdy side of you that caused you problems last Friday night.  Remember? Pumpkin pie anyone?

 

 

5.    DON’T NAP ON THE COUCH.  If turkey makes you tired, stay off the sofa.  Rest assured, the last thing the person who has been slaving away in the hot kitchen for two days wants is some slug curled up under her warm blanking sleeping off an overdose of turkey and dressing.  If anyone wants to be confined to the couch for a day, it would be the cook.  Don’t wear out your welcome…GO HOME.

Seriously folks, Thanksgiving can be stressful in a wonderful kind of way.  Someone, or maybe a lot of someones, have worked really hard to pull off this feast.  Take time to thank them for all of their hard work.  Offer to help with the dishes or take out the trash.  If its ok with the host, bring a guest…someone that otherwise might have spent the holiday alone.  Monitor your mouth and don’t say things that could cause tensions to mount.  Be respectful of everyone and have fun.  Family and friends don’t spend enough time during the year together, so make these moments count.  Regardless of your situation, you have plenty to be thankful for.  And if all else fails, remember, you can be sure of the fact that Thanksgiving only comes once a year!!!

Well...Jingle My Bells!

Can you believe that it is almost Thanksgiving?  Usually by this time in November, I have all of my trees up, the lawn decorated and have heard “Run Run Rudolph” 3000 times.  This year, I’m having a difficult time getting into the spirit.  I sort of feel like Rudolph when he lost his glow...all my bells have lost their jingle.

 

Speaking of jingling bells, have you seen Kmart’s "Jingle Bells" commercial?  If not, you have lucked up tonight because it can be found right here?  You really should check it out, but first let me provide you with a disclaimer:  "This commercial quite possible could be rated PG13 - ok maybe PG17 - but it’s still worth a watch (or 12)!"

 

Seriously, who is shopping at Kmart this Christmas?  I know I am!!!

 

Back to the blog.  This weather…let me get into the Facebook spirit of Thanksgiving… Day 19 – I am very thankful that we have weather; however, I wish Mother Nature would make up her mind.  Do you want me warm and cozy and snuggled by the fire or do you want me sipping on margaritas at the beach?  I guess if you ask a man, Mother Nature is just like every other woman on earth...just can’t make up her mind.

 

Last week it was snow flurries and hot chocolate and  this week it is sunshine and bikinis. Strike that.  Reverse it, unless of course that mental image is already burned into your brain.  I doubt I will ever be seen in a bi-kini again.  Some really cute shorts and a tank top could work though.  Moving on…

 

Whether I wish it so or not, there are halls to be decked, songs to be sung, presents to be wrapped, goodwill to be spread and eggnog to be made.  On second thought…if I make the eggnog first, everything else might just go a little smoother.

 

Truthfully, I love Christmas.  It is my most "favoritest" holiday ever (and I'm not just saying that because of all the huge presents I get *wink*wink*).   Sometimes I just need a little push or maybe a great big shove to get me started.  

 

Where is Cindy Lou Who when you need her?  I think a quick trip to Whoville is in the stars tonight!

 

What makes Christmas magical for you?  What jingle your bells?

 

By the way, only in the south can Christmas and bikinis be talked about at the same time and no one finds it unusual. 

 

Peace and Love and Chocolate!!!